


Permanent Vacation

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Barebacking, Fanfiction, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Minor Chara, Small Towns, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:17:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8867248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: After being dumped by his girlfriend for being too boring, Arthur decides to take go on a holiday. It's a chance for him to take a vacation from structure and playing by the rules. It's supposed to be easy and fun. But when he meets Merlin Emrys a simple vacation becomes a lot more complicated.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hope everyone enjoys and has a great holiday!
> 
> Thanks mods for continuing to run such a great fest and being really patient!
> 
> Fusion with the movie "The Holiday."
> 
> Warnings - Talk of an accident and injury. Minor Character death (off-screen).

The theme to _Jaws_ started to blare from Arthur’s phone. It only lasted for a few seconds before Arthur quickly turned the alarm off. The timer indicated it had been two minutes since he started brushing his teeth, so Arthur leaned over his white porcelain sink and spit. He then gargled with mouthwash for thirty seconds. After he was finished, he wiped his face with a towel and then grabbed his phone and turned off the light as he left the bathroom.

As he padded towards his room he checked to see if he had any phone messages. He sighed when he saw that he still hadn’t gotten a response from his friend Gwaine. They were supposed to meet up the next day for a project they were collaborating on. When he got closer to the bed he looked up and watched his girlfriend Mithian as she lounged on the bed. She had her white earbuds in and was smiling at something on her phone.

Arthur leaned against the wall and an idea occurred to him. Ordinarily, he didn’t think this would be the right time to broach the subject, given that it it was ten o’clock at night, but Mithian was always so relaxed at this time. She was a night owl and seemed to get her second wind when other people’s heads were probably hitting their pillows.

When he walked further into the room Mithian didn’t look up, which suited Arthur’s purposes just fine for now. He went to his white bedside table and pulled something out of the drawer. He walked over to Mithian’s side of the bed. He smiled down at her. 

She pulled out her earbuds and grinned. “Is there something you want?”

Arthur clutched the red velvet box in his hand. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” He nodded toward the spot next to her. 

Mithian looked down at the bed and then nodded. “Sorry,” she sputtered. Putting her phone down on the bedside table, she sat up as Arthur took a seat next to her.

Arthur cleared his throat. He didn’t expect to feel so nervous. “I think we make a good team, don’t you?”

Mithian’s brow furrowed for a second before she slowly nodded. “Yes.”

Arthur smiled. “We understand each other and enjoy being together. You’re beautiful, smart, and funny and we can have a brilliant future together. So, I think it’s time…” Arthur lifted up his hand and opened it to reveal the box.

At first, Mithian just goggled at it and then squeaked and held her hand to her mouth. 

“Mithian West-”

She held up her hand. “You’re proposing?”  
“I would think that was fairly obvious by now.” Arthur let out a strained chuckle.

Mithian looked down at her body. “We’re in our pyjamas.”

Rolling his eyes, Arthur grunted. “Well, I tried for the more romantic setting last week and you got called away.” He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. Arthur had been with Mithian for three years and knew interrupted dates came with the territory when your partner was a doctor. If it was a problem, he wouldn’t be proposing...or trying to propose.

“So, you thought ‘why not now?’” Mithian ran a hand through her hair.

“Something like that.” He watched as Mithian squirmed and stared down at the floor. When she first saw the ring box, he thought he reaction was one of happiness, but he was starting to doubt that. “Is there something wrong?”

Mithian didn’t answer right away, but after a minute she faced him. “I just...everything you said - we’re good together and we can have a good future...you never mentioned love.”

Arthur swallowed. “I didn’t?” He cocked his head to the side and blew out a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intentionally neglect to mention that. I do love you...of course, I do.”

Mithian put her hand over Arthur’s. “Please, Arthur, just answer honestly. Are you doing this because you desperately want to have a future with me or because it’s something that you think we have to?”

Arthur threw his head back and peered up at the ceiling. “It’s not how you’re making it sound.”

“How am I making it sound?”

“Like it’s a terrible thing wanting to move on to the next step. We’ve been together for quite a bit. Statistically speaking, being together for so long increases our chances for a successful marriage. We’re thirty-five and if we want multiple children it would be for the best to marry as soon as possible.”

“You make it sound like a business transaction.”

Arthur scoffed. “You’re twisting what I’m saying.”

Mithian shook her head. “I don’t think I am.” Arthur was taken aback when she started to smile. “I guess I have my answer. And I’m glad because I don’t have to feel guilty when I give you mine. I can’t marry you, Arthur.”

Even though it shouldn’t have been a surprise at this point, Arthur’s mouth fell open. 

“In fact…” Mithian rubbed her hands against her thighs. “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

Turning down the proposal was bad enough, but Mithian completely breaking up with him was an added gut punch.

Mithian grimaced. “Maybe I should’ve waited to say that, but I think it’s better this way. You know the Americans have that saying about ‘ripping off the band-aid.’ There’s no reason to put off the inevitable.” She bit her lip. “I know it’s a shock right now, but honestly Arthur, you should be relieved.”

Turning to her slowly, Arthur gaped at her. Mithian jumped when Arthur got up suddenly. He whirled to face her. He used his hand to gesture to his face. “Does this look like the face of someone feeling relieved?”

Mithian followed his lead and stood up. “Not right now, but Arthur I truly believe deep down you know this is for the best. You don’t love me.”

Arthur marched toward her. “How dare you presume to tell me how I feel? What gives you the right?”

“Because I’ve been in this relationship, too. I know what it’s been like. I wasn’t lying before when I said we make a good team. I understand you and you understand me and we trust each other and that’s wonderful, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we have a great love. And I know because I’ve felt that, but not with you.”

At first, Arthur thought she was talking about a previous relationship. She’d had a couple of boyfriends before him, but the way she was refusing to look at him made a heavy pit form in his stomach. “Mithian?”

When she looked back up at him, her eyes were wet. “I’ve been seeing someone else, Arthur.”

Arthur pressed his eyes shut tight. “Who is he?”

“It’s a she, actually.”

That didn’t really surprise Arthur. Mithian and he had met outside an LGBTQ Community Center at their university. After Arthur had practically worn a path outside the center crossing back and forth on and off for an hour, Mithian had finally had enough and dragged him inside. They had barely spoken that first day, but soon after Arthur came by more and more and he and Mithian had become friends. They both knew the other was bisexual, though neither had ever had a relationship with someone of the same sex...until now, apparently.

Arthur sighed. “Fine, who is she?”

Once again, Arthur’s stomach dropped at the guilty look on Mithian’s face. He didn’t possibly think the night could get any worse. Suddenly, Arthur wondered if the other woman could possibly be his sister Morgana. She and Mithian had always been close. If it was Morgana, Arthur was prepared to potentially throw himself out the window.

“Elena,” Mithian said so quietly Arthur almost didn’t hear.

Arthur groaned. Not as bad as his sister, but certainly not good. Elena Lewis was a mutual friend of his and Mithian’s from college. Clearly, she felt far closer to Mithian than she did Arthur. Arthur let out a derisive snort. “That’s bloody fantastic, Mithian. Any other bits of bad news you want to get off your chest while you’re ‘ripping the band-aid’ off?”

Mithian looked down while shaking her head. 

Walking past her, Arthur sank down on the bed and fell backward.

“Arthur, we really didn’t mean for this to happen. It’s just ever since I moved in her, I haven’t been happy. We live together, but it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like we’re just existing together. And you’re so rigid and need everything to be a certain way. I broke a bloody cup and didn’t hear the end of it for a week.”

Arthur didn’t fully sit up but popped his head up. “It wasn’t just some cup. It was priceless china and I was upset mostly because you lied about it. If only I’d known how much worse your lies could get.”

Mithian didn’t argue the point and just continued. “You always want to do the same routine. Look, I understand why you are the way you are, but I was going a little mad. Elena and I started spending more time together because we were putting together Vivian’s hen party and something just...changed between us. With her, I truly feel like me for the first time...maybe ever.”

“That’s heartwarming.” Arthur slowly lifted himself up; it felt like he was emerging from a grave. “So, let me just sum up the night here. I propose - actually, you never really let me get that far. I haven’t decided yet if that’s more or less embarrassing. You tell me you won’t marry me and in fact you want to break up entirely. Then you tell me you’re shagging one of our friends. And to top it all off, you tell me it’s all my fault because I’m too boring and rigid. Does that cover everything?”

Wringing her hands, Mithian took a tentative step forward. “I didn’t say you were too boring.”

“But you wouldn’t say that’s too far off the mark, right?”

Mithian just frowned.

Arthur nodded.

“Arthur, I...I don’t know what else to say.”

Sighing, Arthur scrubbed a hand down his face and then stood up. “I don’t think there’s much left to say.”

Mithian turned her head towards the door. “I should probably go.”

She turned to leave and Arthur reached out and held her forearm. “Don’t.” Arthur wasn’t planning on begging her to stay. He had too much pride for that. A part of him really wanted to kick her out - it was his home after all and with her successful career, Mithian would be just fine. But still, it was the middle of the night. Also, when she left things would truly be over and he wasn’t ready for that yet. “You can stay. The guest rooms on the second floor are all made up. You don’t have to leave tonight.”

The look on her face told Arthur that Mithian was struggling with what to do, but finally, she gave a slight nod. Arthur let go of her arm and she walked away. At the door, she turned back. “Arthur, I did truly love you once and I still love you.”

“Just not enough.”

A tear fell from Mithian’s face and she brushed it away. “I suppose it’s not my place to say this, but I know you’ll get over this. Someday you’re going to know that I was right.” She sighed and then walked out.

Arthur stared at the door. After a minute, he ran his hand through his hair. “Well, this is going to be a fun holiday.”

 

~*~

 

_”I couldn’t let you walk out of my life forever. How can you think that I could ever be happy without you?” The ruggedly handsome brunette asked as he clung to the crying blonde woman’s shoulders.”_

_“If I stay I’m just being selfish, James. I’m so messed up and I don’t want that to ruin you or what we have.” She sniffled._

_“Because of you, my world has opened up again. I feel alive for the first time in years. I know that you’re scared, but you don’t have to be. I’ll always be there to catch you when you fall.”_

_The blonde woman wept openly, a perfect single tear falling down her face._

Arthur paused the screen just as the music began to swell and the lovers kissed passionately. Arthur’s lip curled. “Sod off, the both of you!”

He sat back in his chair with a groan. This was the absolute worst time to be doing this. Arthur was a film composer and this was his latest project, a movie with the actual title _Fiery Hearts._ Not for the first time, Arthur wondered when he had sunk so low. He had once turned down a _Twilight_ movie for God’s sake. But lately he had done one romantic drama after another and he was creatively tapped out. He’d been stuck for weeks on writing the score for the climax. The previous night’s turn of events in his life hadn’t helped matters.

The reason he kept doing the movies he had been was that it paid well. It had paid for his house. It had paid for the studio he had built in said house, the studio he was currently working in, or not working. 

Arthur was set to meet with his friend Gwaine - the music editor on the film to discuss the director’s notes. That was if Gwaine ever showed since he still had never answered his text. 

Gwaine and Arthur had met in secondary school and had been friends ever since; a fact that boggled Arthur’s mind. Gwaine was rude, unpredictable, and wild - three traits Arthur usually abhorred in other people, but somehow Gwaine did it with effortless charm and Arthur couldn’t help but feel a little more like his old self around Gwaine. 

It helped that Gwaine did excellent work. This was the fourth project they’d worked on together. Gwaine knew what buttons to push to get Arthur out of his comfort zone - musically. He also helped when Arthur was stuck like he was now.

While Arthur waited for Gwaine to get there, he fiddled with the temp track on the last scenes. Finally, Gwaine sauntered in with sunglasses on and a dopey smile on his face. “Greetings, my good man,” he said as he plopped down in the black rolling chair. 

Arthur picked up his phone and looked at the front screen. “You’re two minutes late.”

Gwaine gasped. “Blimey! That’s horrible. Are you going to garnish my wages, boss?” He said in a mocking tone with a wide grin.

“You’re annoying,” Arthur shot back weakly.

Gwaine snickered. He spun in the chair and stopped to look at the screen. “What have you been working on?”

“Nothing much.” 

Gwaine queued up to the moment of the big chase scene. When the character “James” got out of the cab as it was stuck in traffic ominous music began to play. With a slow swivel of his head, Gwaine stared at Arthur with a questioning expression. “Michael Meyer’s theme?”

Arthur shrugged. “It’s just temporary.”

“He looks like he’s hunting her down to hack her to pieces not confess undying love.” Gwaine gestured to the screen as the movie played with intercut shots of “James” running and the female character “Claire” walking towards a boat.

“It seems appropriate to me. Relationships are a horror movie that leads to nothing but pain and death.”

Gwaine paused the movie. He scrutinized Arthur’s face. Suddenly his eyes widened. “Holy fuck, Mithian binned you, didn’t she?”

Arthur didn’t respond. He resolutely looked down at the mixing board.

Leaning back in his chair, Gwaine crossed his arms over his chest and sat back. He continued to stare at Arthur.

Annoyed and unnerved by Gwaine’s staring, Arthur groaned. “Alright, yes, she left me.” Arthur launched into a summary of everything that had happened with the break-up.

After he finished, Arthur saw Gwaine staring at the floor with his lips pressed tightly together. His cheeks trembled. Arthur’s mouth fell open. “Are you kidding? You think this is funny?”

Gwaine finally broke and let out a burst of laughter, though to his credit he quickly clamped his mouth shut again. He waved his hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just that is so fucked up. Honestly, if either of us could write worth a damn we could definitely turn that into a story. A weepy chick flick, but for blokes. Get Tom Hardy to star in it, could win a couple of BAFTAs, maybe even an Academy Award.”

Arthur shook his head. “I’m chuffed that you can see so much career advancement in my misery. That’s excellent.”

Gwaine sighed. He patted Arthur’s knee. “Look, I truly am sorry.”

Arthur was about to say “thank you” when Gwaine continued. 

“I wish I could say I was surprised.”

Arthur furrowed his brow and did a double take. “Not surprised? How can you not be surprised? I was surprised.”

“Well, you’re not very observant,” Gwaine said matter-of-factly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “That’s rubbish. I’m very observant. I’m too observant sometimes.”

“Not about this.” Gwaine turned to Arthur and frowned. “I’ve watched you and Mithian. You’re great friends, but almost from the very beginning it never seemed much more than that. There’s probably a reason it took you ten years to start dating.”

“Just because we didn’t rush into a relationship like silly teenagers, doesn’t mean we didn’t love each other,” Arthur huffed. 

“I never said you didn’t love each other,” Gwaine explained. “It just wasn’t passionate.” He turned and looked at the screen. “I’ve never seen either of you look at each other like that.” 

Arthur glanced at the man’s face on-screen. “We never looked at each other as if we’re constipated?”

Gwaine reached over and slapped Arthur’s arm. “Oi! Just because you’re in pain doesn’t give you the right to insult Ryan Reynolds. The man is a treasure.”

Arthur held up his hands. “You’re right. That was uncalled for.” He sighed and examined the handsome man’s face a little more. Of course, that was just a performance, but he did look at his love interest as if she were his whole world. If Arthur truly thought about it, he wasn’t sure if he ever felt that strongly about Mithian. But if he admitted that, it would make Mithian, and worse Gwaine, right and he couldn’t do it. “I did love her.”

“And she loved you.” Gwaine chuckled. “She definitely had to with everything she put up from you. Not many women could date a man who’s dead inside.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. Not this again. “I am not dead inside.” Really, Arthur didn’t know why he bothered to argue with Gwaine about this.

“You haven’t cried in almost twenty years. You’re dead inside.” 

Arthur got up and walked across the room to get some water. “A lot of men don’t weep like babies all the time.”

“There’s a difference between weeping like babies and someone’s tear ducts being as dry as the Sahara. You didn’t even cry at the end of _The Notebook_.”

Arthur took a swig of the water bottle and then chuckled. “That’s because it wasn’t that good.”

Gwaine’s mouth dropped open. While glaring at Arthur, he pulled out his phone. He stood up and walked to Arthur. He pulled something up on YouTube. Arthur laughed when he saw what it was. They watched the final moments of _The Notebook_. By the end of it, Gwaine’s eyes were misting over but Arthur just yawned when it was done just to piss Gwaine off.

Gwaine narrowed his eyes. “Monster.”

Arthur grinned. It slowly fell from his face as he sat down again. “I will admit it is a very beautiful and tragic story - with an excellent score. It’s a bit like my life - without the score or beautiful bits.”

Frowning, Gwaine put his phone away.

Arthur swallowed. “No matter what I felt for Mithian, I was planning on a life with her and now that’s gone. I don’t know what to do.”

Gwaine sat down and leaned forward in his chair. “What I think you need to do is take some time. Get away.”

Arthur scratched his head. “Get away?”

“It’s called a vacation. It’s something humans do.” Gwaine grinned. “I think it will help, not only with this Mithian situation but your problems with the movie as well.” He glanced at the screen. “The reason you’re stuck is you’ve got nothing left to give for things like this. You need to take some time and figure out what you really want to do.”

Arthur sighed. A vacation was definitely not in his plans, but neither was this break-up. He kept thinking of what Mithian had said about him being too rigid and boring. He wanted to prove her wrong. “Where do you think I should go?”

“I used Airbnb last time and did this really amazing house swap.”

Arthur remembered what he was referring to. He’d gone on some trip to Hawaii last year and a really nice bloke had stayed at Gwaine’s. Arthur couldn’t remember his name, but he and Arthur got along. 

“When I got home my flat had never been so clean. It was like a museum,” Gwaine continued. 

Pursing his lips, Arthur looked at the screen. “I still need to think about this, but if I did do it, what about the movie?”

Gwaine waved his hand. “You’ve still got time. There’s still a lot of work to be done that doesn’t require you being here. The temp track - well something other than from everyone’s nightmares - will do.”

Arthur crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. “Alright.” If he was going to do this, he needed to do a lot of research.

After Gwaine left, Arthur got started right away. He checked out some sites online making sure everything was above board. When he found a site he liked, he looked over some of the places that were for rent. Ideally, he would have loved to go somewhere far away from London. 

A couple of hours went by and Arthur stopped when he spotted a little cottage in a town in Ireland called Ealdor. It looked like something out of a children’s book. It also reminded him of a favorite vacation his family had taken when he was nine years old. 

The cottage was being rented by a woman named Hunith. She had posted a picture. Arthur thought she looked very kind and normal. He decided to email her. In his email, he mentioned how beautiful her home was and how it reminded him of a place his family had vacationed at in Switzerland.

Her response came faster than Arthur had been expecting. Hunith wrote, “Thanks for your compliments on my home. That was very kind. I raised a wonderful family here and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. That’s actually a bit of the reason why I’m doing this. My son tells me I need to broaden my horizons and after the year I’ve had, it’s time. I’m happy my home reminds you of such a happy time. If you decided you want to rent from me, I have to warn you that I’m looking to do a complete swap - we’d swap houses and cars. I also would like to leave as soon as possible since I have to be back to work at the beginning of the year. We can work out the price later. I’m flexible on that. Let me know what you decided as soon as possible.”

The part about broadening her horizons spoke to Arthur. It seemed they were on similar journeys. This seemed to be what Mithian or Gwaine would call a sign. If he wanted to be more adventurous, this seemed like a good place to start. So, two hours later they had worked out all the details and two days later Arthur was heading to Ealdor.

 

~*~

 

Never listen to Gwaine.

That thought kept repeating over and over in Arthur’s head. His hand shook as he poured himself a glass of wine. 

When he had arrived in Ealdor, Arthur had been charmed by the tiny town. Tiny seemed a bit of an understatement. There were less than 500 residents. Not only that, all the buildings were much smaller than the cities Arthur was used to. They also had very narrow roads. 

Looking at the roads had made Arthur incredibly nervous. The one part of this swap he wasn’t particularly happy about was swapping cars. He owned a car - an impulse buy after he had made quite a bit of money and won a few awards - but he hadn’t driven a car in years. But again, he had decided that if he was going to do things differently here, he could drive. 

After a day there, Arthur was becoming a little unnerved about how quiet everything was. Hunith’s lovely two story cottage that rested just in front of an acre of farmland that was bordered by a beautiful lake. The next house was miles away. Arthur thought this would be a lovely change of pace considering how loud it could be living in London sometimes, but being alone with nothing but his thoughts just made him feel more miserable and alone. 

While Hunith’s refrigerator was stocked full of food, Arthur decided he probably needed a lot of wine to get through some of the quiet times at the house, so he decided to drive. That was a mistake. 

Getting away from Hunith’s house was relatively easy, but as he got closer to the general store the turns became closer. He winced every time he had to take a sharp corner. When the store was within sight, Arthur took his eyes off the road for a second and when he looked back, he almost crashed into a man walking on the side of the road. To avoid him, he swerved and with the narrow roads and how wet it was after it rained, Arthur skidded and narrowly avoided hitting a building, a pet store. 

It took a long time for Arthur to calm down. When he did, even though he felt, bad, he left Hunith’s car there. He walked back to Hunith’s. He was still on edge because of the near wreck and because of the cold temperatures he was shaking. Luckily, Hunith did have some wine and Arthur had some of that.

After he called someone to pick up Hunith’s car, Arthur made another call. While he didn’t like the thought of giving up, Arthur decided to cut his losses and called the airline to get on a flight home the next day. He had no idea what he was going to tell Hunith. One idea he had was to possibly stay with his sister when he got back home, but he was afraid one of them would probably murder the other if they were trapped together for that long. 

Feeling like an utter failure, Arthur decided to have more wine and watch sappy Christmas movies to pass the time on his last night. After one more glass of wine, he was halfway through _The Santa Clause_ when he fell asleep. He had always been a lightweight when it came to alcohol. 

At some point - Arthur wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d fallen asleep - he woke up. He could have sworn he heard a door slam shut. Lifting his head up, Arthur perked up his ears but didn’t hear anything else. Perhaps, he’d just imagine it. Just as he was about to lay back down, he heard another slamming nose, possibly from the kitchen. Arthur shot up out of bed. As his breathing quickened, he quietly got out of bed. For a brief moment, he wondered if Hunith had the same idea as Arthur and came home.

Not taking any chances, he grabbed his umbrella and padded down the stairs. Suddenly, he had to cover his ears as loud voices came blasting from the direction of the den. He raced over there and stopped in his tracks when he saw the back of a tall, brunette fiddling with a remote. When he looked at the television he saw Hugh Grant’s face. Ugh, it was _Love, Actually_. It was not a favorite of Arthur’s. As if he didn’t have enough reason to dislike this thief.

Putting his annoyance aside, Arthur began to panic. He thought about running for the hills but decided he was going to screw Hunith enough by going home early. The least he could do was not let her come home to a burgled home. Eyeing the thief, Arthur thought he looked skinny enough. Arthur worked out, he could probably handle him, especially since he seemed unarmed.

Using the sound of the TV as cover, Arthur raced forward. Just as the man got the TV muted, Arthur tackled him. Even though he was skinny, now that he was on top of him, Arthur could feel that the man was deceptively well built and wasn’t as bony as he would have expected. The man struggled beneath him.

“Stop or I’m going to call the police!”

“Don’t hurt me. You can take anything you want!”

They spoke at the same time. Confused, Arthur loosened his grip a bit. “What was that?”

“I said you can have anything you want,” the brunette repeated.

Arthur’s eyebrows raised. “Why would I take anything? I belong here. You don’t.”

“That’s a load of bollocks. This isn’t your home. My mum lives here,” the man elaborated.

“Your- what?” Arthur put his hands on the floor and lifted a bit off the man.

Taking the opportunity the man wiggled until he was face to face with Arthur. For a moment, Arthur was captivated by the clear blue eyes looking up at him, until he registered that the man was glaring at him. 

Arthur cleared his throat. “Your Hunith’s son?”

“Yes, I’m Hunith’s son, Merlin. Who the hell are you?”

Hunith had talked a little about her son Merlin. She was clearly very proud of him and gushed about how kind and funny and successful Merlin was. His first night there Arthur had looked through one of Hunith’s photo albums. He definitely recognized the man under him in there. Merlin looked a lot better in person, especially his chiseled cheekbones, brilliant blue eyes, pouty lips...Suddenly Arthur was very aware that he was still lying on top of Merlin.

Arthur immediately hopped up. He saw Merlin struggle to get up and held out his hand. Merlin eyed it warily but took it. Once he was upright, they stared at each other again. 

Merlin cleared his throat. “This is very awkward. You still haven’t answered my question. I don’t know if I should be calling the police or…” Merlin’s eyes traveled over Arthur’s body. “Or something else.”

For a moment Arthur was caught up in what he meant by something else until he realized he still hadn’t answered the question. He let out a nervous chuckle and stared at his feet. “I’m Arthur Pendragon. Your mother and I swapped houses for the holidays. She’s in London and I’m...here,” he finished lamely.

Merlin’s eyes widened. “Right. I knew she went on vacation. I think she neglected to mention she was swapping houses.” Merlin rubbed the back of his neck. “Or I’m too pissed to remember important details like that.” He chuckled. 

Arthur was almost blinded by how white and perfect Merlin’s teeth were. Shaking his head, Arthur couldn’t believe how strong his instant attraction to Merlin was. He was incredibly happy he wasn’t a thief after all. Though, at this point, Arthur wasn’t sure if he would care either way.

Looking down at the floor, Merlin’s eyebrow raised. “Is that your umbrella?”

Confused for a second, Arthur didn’t answer as he followed Merlin’s gaze. Then he blushed and bent down to pick it up. “Doesn’t everyone here use umbrellas as protection?”

“No, for protection folks here use guns. And condoms,” Merlin added with a grin.

Arthur sputtered. He tried to cover that with a weak laugh. He set the umbrella down on the small glass table behind him. When he looked back at Merlin, he thought he caught Merlin staring at his butt. With a smile, Arthur took a slight step back. “What are you doing here, if you don’t mind me asking.” Arthur glanced at the time on the DVD player. “It’s 2 AM.”

“I got a bit overserved at the pub tonight and I think I mistakenly gave the cab driver my mother’s address. I decided I would just sleep here instead of calling another one,” Merlin explained. 

Arthur could certainly relate. “Oh, would you like me to get you some tea or coffee or something?” Arthur wasn’t sure where that was coming from. He wasn’t usually so considerate, especially with strangers.

“You don’t have to go to any trouble.”

Arthur waved off Merlin’s response. “It’s no trouble.” Arthur moved to the kitchen and five minutes later he set a cup of tea in front of Merlin. He sat next to Merlin on the couch.

Merlin smiled at him. 

Arthur’s breath hitched and he seriously thought he might swoon.

“Thank you. I’d like you to know I don’t make it a habit of getting pissed and showing up at my mother’s. Just sometimes this time of year does strange things to me and I’m not used to dealing with it alone.” Merlin played with the rim of the teacup.

“I’m sorry your mother isn’t here.” Arthur hugged his arms to his chest. For some reason, he was incredibly nervous and didn’t know what to do with his hands. A part of him felt like a big pervert for drooling over Merlin while the man was obviously in some kind of distress.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m happy my mother’s doing this. All my life she’s put her life on hold to make sure she could be there for me as much as she could. After my dad died this year, I wanted her to finally do something for her.”

Arthur felt even worse hearing about Merlin’s dead father. “I’m so sorry.”

Merlin looked at him with a sincere smile. “Thank you.” He looked down at the cup. “I’m happy she’s doing something out of her comfort zone.”

Arthur nodded. “Hunith did mention that. It was something we had in common.”

“Really?” Merlin took a sip of his tea. He gazed intently at Arthur over the rim of the cup.

“Yes. My girlfriend just broke up with me, partly because I’m too boring. I thought coming here would be a nice change from my routine.”

“And how have you been enjoying Ealdor?”

Arthur looked down with a sheepish grin. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Merlin let out a burst of laughter. “That well, huh?”

Arthur shook his head. “It’s my fault. I probably haven’t given it enough time. I just was feeling a bit lonely.” He couldn’t stop staring at Merlin’s lips. Without realizing it, he’d inched forward and after a brief pause, he pressed a soft kiss to Merlin’s lips.

It was over as soon as it began and self-doubt immediately began to creep in, even though Merlin - with his eyes still closed - didn’t seem to be protesting.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why not?” Finally, opening his eyes, Merlin’s blue eyes spoke volumes. He was as attracted to Arthur as Arthur was to him. 

“You’re a stranger and…” Arthur backed away slightly. “Aren’t you a little drunk?”

“I’m pre-drunk.” Merlin laughed. “I’m almost there, but not quite. I’m sober enough to know what I want. Are you?”

“Mostly.” Arthur grinned. “I’m a bit pre-drunk, too.”

Merlin put his tea cup down. “Is that why you kissed me?”

Arthur shook his head. “I’ve never just kissed someone because I really wanted to. And, God, I really wanted to.”

Leaning in, Merlin’s mouth hovered just above Arthur’s. “Nobody’s stopping you.”

Arthur dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. This trip was about being adventurous. Why fight it? He launched himself at Merlin and wrapped his arms around Merlin’s neck. The kiss intensified quickly as Arthur licked into Merlin’s mouth and relished the moan Merlin let out.

Arthur pulled away. “I’ve never done this before. I mean with a bloke. I’ve always wanted to try it, though.” 

Merlin took Arthur’s hand and placed it against his crotch. “You can try anything you want with me.”

Arthur groaned. They started kissing again and Arthur climbed into Merlin’s lap and started grinding against him. Merlin cupped his arse. 

Merlin pulled away enough for them to both catch their breath. His beautiful lips looked even better after being kissed within an inch of his life. “How do you feel about foreplay?”

Ordinarily, he was fine with it, but Arthur was desperate to be inside Merlin as quick as possible. “Well, given that you’re drunk and I’m-”

“Horny?” Merlin said with a devilish grin.

Arthur chuckled. He dragged his teeth over Merlin’s bottom lip. “I wouldn’t have put it like that, but, yeah.” They kissed again, their tongues taking turns invading the other’s mouth. “We can skip the foreplay,” Arthur finally answered.

Merlin just nodded before he lay Arthur down on the couch. He sat up above him and started to get undressed. Arthur couldn’t help touching every bit of skin exposed. 

After Merlin was done, he made quick work of Arthur’s clothes. Arthur was fascinated looking at Merlin’s hard cock, the tip glistening. Merlin climbed on top of Arthur. He bent down and put two of his fingers to Arthur’s mouth. Arthur sucked on them with a greedy moan. Merlin’s eyes rolled back.

Keeping his eyes glued to Merlin’s movements, Arthur watched as Merlin snuck his arm behind him and played with his hole. Merlin moaned his he sunk his two fingers inside. 

Arthur gripped Merlin’s hips. He’d never been so turned on in his life. He realized instantly that he was missing this kind of passion in his life and wasn’t sure how he’d done without it for so long.

Soon, Merlin was done and he smiled down at Arthur as he lifted himself up and then slowly sank down on Arthur’s cock. Arthur barely had time to get used to it before Merlin started bobbing up and down. Merlin put his hands against Arthur’s chest as his hips snapped wilder and wilder.

Arthur threaded his hands roughly through Merlin’s hair and pulled him down for a filthy kiss as he began to thrust up. Merlin moaned into his mouth.

The only sound in the room was the friction of their skin intermingled with Arthur’s grunts and Merlin’s mewling moans.

“Arthur,” Merlin whimpered. “Arthur, I’m so close!”

“I am, too! Fuck!” Arthur threw his head back. He thrust up two times and came with a loud groan.

Merlin wasn’t far behind him. He cried out as he came and shuddered above Arthur. Soon enough, he slumped forward. Arthur put a tired arm around him.

After a few minutes, Merlin finally pulled off of Arthur. He got up and went to the kitchen and used flannel to clean them up. They squeezed together on the couch. Arthur held Merlin and ran his fingers up and down Merlin’s sweaty skin. 

 

~*~

 

Awkward only seemed to scratch the surface of what Arthur was feeling the next morning. No matter how attracted he was to Merlin or how mind-blowing the sex was, Arthur still couldn’t believe how reckless he had been. Not only had he had sex with a stranger - a sweet, funny, hot as fuck stranger - but it had been unprotected sex. He was too old to be making mistakes like that.

Though it was difficult, Arthur managed to extricate himself from the couch without waking Merlin. It helped that Merlin seemed to be a heavy sleeper whose snoring could scare away the dead. Arthur went upstairs had a shower and got dressed. As he was finishing putting on his shoes, he smelled the delicious aroma of eggs and bacon. At first, he was incredibly pleased, then he frowned. Merlin was making him breakfast. God, why did he have to be so perfect?

Taking a deep breath, Arthur headed downstairs. When he walked into the kitchen, it wasn’t only the breakfast making his mouth water. Merlin was cooking without his shirt on. Arthur found that risky with all that grease spatter, but he wasn’t complaining.

When Merlin saw him, he smiled. 

_Goddamn you, perfect man!_ , Arthur thought. 

“I thought you might be hungry. Are you?” 

“I could eat.” Arthur nodded.

Merlin walked over to the small, rectangular mahogany table in the corner and pulled out a chair. Arthur sat and a few minutes later Merlin set down two plates. 

They ate mostly in silence. Arthur thought about having the yummy looking sausage along with bacon but decided he’s been adventurous enough for one trip. 

Arthur tried to come up with a way to broach the subject of their night together. He thought about just thanking Merlin, but telling him how unlikely they were to see each other again. As he contemplated this, he took a bite of toast. As he chewed, he noticed Merlin watching him.

When their eyes met, Merlin smiled. He reached out his hand and swiped his thumb against the corner of Arthur’s lip. Arthur had to hold back an audible gulp.

“You just had something right there.” Merlin looked down at his plate.

Arthur thought he might have spotted a blush on Merlin’s cheeks. It was incredibly endearing. Arthur grinned. “You’re adorable.” He’d spoke without thinking, which was incredibly unlike him. But when Merlin’s blush intensified, he almost didn’t care.

Almost.

“Merlin, I...Last night was - brilliant really doesn’t seem to quite cover it - but that’s what it was.” Arthur felt his face grow hot. “I’m leaving, so you don’t have to worry about things getting awkward.”

Merlin put down his fork. “I’m not worried about that. In fact, I was really hoping you’d reconsider leaving. At least not today. I’d like to have a few more awkward mornings.”

Arthur hesitated. As awesome as the sex was, he was surprised that Merlin wanted more. He couldn’t understand why. “You don’t know me, so we wouldn’t be missing anything if it just ended here.” He said as much for his benefit.

“I don’t think that’s true. Merlin leaned forward. “There’s something about you, Arthur. I don’t know what it is. You intrigue me and I want to know more.”

That was possibly the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him, still his cautious instincts took over. “I don’t know. Why start something we can’t finish?”

For the first time that morning, Merlin looked a little sad. He took their plates and placed them in the sink. 

Arthur wanted to melt into the floor. He was being such an idiot. This sweet, beautiful man wanted to get to know him more. Other than feeling a little awkward, Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this way. He felt carefree and like there was so much possibility now. How could he pass that up?

When Merlin was done, he walked back to the table. Arthur stood up. Merlin flashed a brief smile. “Arthur, I don’t want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with. If you really need to leave then that’s what you have to do.” Merlin took his hand. “But if you can see a way to stay just a little bit longer, you can probably find me tonight at the local pub, The Rising Sun. I don’t want to put pressure on you, but if you come you can save me from another embarrassing, drunken night.”

Arthur laughed.

Merlin leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Arthur’s cheek. It was as if time stopped. Arthur knew he wanted to stretch this moment out as long as possible. When Merlin pulled away and started to leave, Arthur wanted to stop him and tell him to stay. But he didn’t. It seemed that adventurous, brave Arthur disappeared the previous night.

He spent the rest of the day packing and trying to forget Merlin. But there was no shaking the memory of him. The cab arrived and honked its horn. Arthur put his bags by the door and closed his eyes. He thought about never seeing Merlin again and a deep pain he hadn’t felt in a long time twisted his insides. He couldn’t do this, not yet.

Arthur flung open the door and left his bags behind. When he got inside, he asked the driver to take him the to Rising Sun. When he arrived, his nerves almost got the better of him and he walked inside on shaky legs. It didn’t take him long to find Merlin. He was alone at a corner table. When he looked up and saw Arthur standing there, his whole face lit up. Arthur knew right away he’d made the right decision.

Unfortunately, by the time he got there Merlin was beyond pre-drunk. So, Arthur decided to catch up. They spent most of the night drinking, with Merlin sometimes introducing Arthur to various friends. They talked about some of their favorite drinks - Merlin was a whiskey man (which Arthur found surprising) and Arthur, somewhat embarrassingly, admitted his favorite was sangria.

They took a cab to Hunith’s. Both could barely make it through the door. Somehow they managed to make it up to Hunith’s room, where Arthur was staying. No clothes came off this time and all they did was sleep.

 

~*~

 

The next morning, it’s Arthur’s turn to make breakfast. They enjoyed Belgian waffles in bed. The whole time, Arthur couldn’t help staring at Merlin. He moaned every time he took a bite and Arthur found he wanted to jump him and kiss him all over.

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Merlin turned to Arthur. “So, how had you been planning to spend Christmas before you came here?”

Arthur rubbed his chin. “No plans really. I might have stopped by my sister’s, but that’s about it. Our family never really had many Christmas traditions.”

Merlin shook his head. “Mine is the opposite. Every year, my mother, father, and I would make ornaments and hang them up on the tree. My mum always hung up this angel I made when I was five. We’d literally roast chestnuts and drink eggnog while watching movies. My father was a fairly taciturn man but when he watched _Home Alone_ he somehow became like a kid. Seeing grown men torn up by a child apparently hit his comedy funny bone.”

Arthur laughed. He noticed the faraway look in Merlin’s eye and put his hand over Merlin’s. Looking down at their hands first, Merlin then looked up and smiled warmly at Arthur. 

“When I have kids, I want to start our own traditions, but I also still want to create ornaments every year. It would be nice to blend the old and the new.”

Arthur nodded. “I agree. Because I don’t have any traditions of my own, I’d love to be able to create those kinds of moments and connections and know that my children will have something different. They’ll have that sense of family and memories to look back on.” When he finished talking, Merlin was staring at him. Arthur’s gaze fell to the bed and he had to squelch down an urge to sink down in embarrassment.

‘You’re adorable.” Merlin reached out his hand and stroked Arthur’s chin with his thumb and then leaned in for a kiss. It was gentle at first, but when Arthur opened his mouth wider, Merlin deepened the kiss. Arthur held Merlin’s face in his hands. When they parted, they both grinned. “I want to spend as much time as I can with you this week. Do you have plans?”

“If I did, I’d break them,” Arthur said with the kind of honesty he wasn’t used to.

Merlin gave him a wide grin. “I want to start with a proper date. I want to get to know you as much as possible.”

Arthur nodded without thinking about it. A part of him was scared he was falling too deep already but for now, he kept that part buried.

 

~*~

 

Merlin took Arthur to what he called the fanciest restaurant in town. Arthur pointed out it was one of the only restaurants in town. Merlin insisted that he stood by his original statement. It was a seafood restaurant. Arthur got angel hair pasta with shrimp and Merlin got a platter of coconut shrimp, fried shrimp, and scallops.

It had been a long time since Arthur had been on a first date and he was feeling nervous. He wanted to seem natural, but also wanted to make a good impression, which was ridiculous considering he and Merlin had already slept together - in both the literal sense and other sense.

“So, what do you do for a living, Merlin? I think your mother mentioned something about writing?”

Merlin nodded. “I’ve dabbled with writing, but mostly I’m a book editor. My father was a writer and my mother was a book editor. My grandmother on my mother’s side was an editor as well.”

“The family business.” Arthur smiled. “Is it something you wanted to do or did you feel pressure to do it?”

Merlin shook his head. “My mum would never do that. She always wanted me to find my own way and do what made me happy.”

Even though he didn’t know Hunith that well that sounded about right to Arthur. It made him feel a little jealous since that wasn’t his experience growing up.

When Arthur looked back at Merlin, he was watching him carefully. “Is that not how it was in your family?”

“Not really.” Arthur picked at the tablecloth and licked his lips. “My mother abandoned us when I was really young. My father became really cold after that, at least that’s what people who knew him before have told me. He was always very strict and demanding and everything had to be just so or you would be completely frozen out. I remember I once refused to wear the outfit he picked out for me to church. He didn’t say anything all day. The next day he was gone, went on some business trip. He left me with my uncle and didn’t come back for two weeks. Things like that happened all the time.”

Merlin shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Arthur.”

Arthur nodded. He hated the look of pity on Merlin’s face. He hated sharing this part of his life, but it was important for Merlin to know. He cleared his throat. “The older I got, the more stubborn I became. I was reckless and wild. My father kept threatening to send me off to boarding school.” Arthur pursed his lips. “I don’t know why he never did.” He sighed. “When I was sixteen, he refused to let me get a guitar. He wanted me to learn to play the piano and set up a lesson. I decided to skip it and steal his car.” Arthur tapped his foot on the floor and wrung his hands. “I got into a car accident. I injured my spine and broke my right leg. My doctor told me I might never walk again.”

Merlin’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth.

“I cried myself to sleep for a week. My father never even visited me in the hospital. He paid for my bills and that was all. It took my sister coming back and basically kicking my arse and telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself. She’s annoying 90% of the time, but that other 10%...” Arthur shook his head and smiled as he remembered her tough love speech. “I stopped crying and I willed myself every day to get better. I worked harder than I ever have and less than six months later, I was walking again.”

Arthur almost giggled because it looked like Merlin was about to start clapping. 

The smile slowly fell from his face. “But it changed me.”

“I’m not surprised.” They were interrupted when the food came. Merlin didn’t even look at it; his focus remained on Arthur. “How did it change you?”

Arthur took a sip of water. “For starters, I learned how to play the piano. I couldn’t let go of the idea that if I had just done what I was told the accident would have never happened. I became a big fan of structure and being cautious and following routines. I put the discipline that it took to learn to walk again to learning how to play the piano. I got really good. I thought about doing it professionally but statistically, I thought it might not be the best path for me. I wanted to do something I thought was more lucrative and would be more fulfilling, so I became a film composer.”

Merlin’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow. Have you worked on anything I would recognize?”

“Uh, yeah. Did you see that James McAvoy/Amy Adams film, _The City of My Heart_?”

Merlin smiled instantly. “Yes! I cried like a baby watching that. Then again I cry over everything. It’s pathetic.”

“Sounds sweet.”

Merlin grinned. “Did you weep watching it?”

Picking up his fork, Arthur twisted it in the pasta. “No.”

“Really?” Merlin scrunched up his nose. “I suppose you were just too close to it.”

Arthur nodded. “It could be that.” he sighed. He wasn’t sure if this was something he wanted to reveal to Merlin, but he thought he might as well get it over with. “Or it could be because I haven’t cried in nearly twenty years.

Merlin stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth. “You what?”

Arthur had a tight grin on his face. “Yeah. I haven’t cried since the accident. I think it could be because after I finally stopped crying, I told myself I needed to be strong and work hard. Every time I felt like I was getting weak and I wanted to cry, I forced myself not to...and I just haven’t ever since. I broke my finger a couple of years ago and I didn’t cry once.”

Looking down at his plate, Merlin picked up his fork. “So if I stabbed you with this…”

Arthur chuckled. “I probably wouldn’t cry. I might punch you in the face, which would be really unfortunate because you have such a lovely face.”

Laughing, Merlin put his fork down.

Arthur bit his lip. “It’s not that weird, is it?”

Merlin shrugged. “No. besides, I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to date a robot.”

Despite his usual sensitivity about the subject, Arthur snorted. Merlin’s grin was wide and beautiful and Arthur honestly felt better by telling him about it.

Arthur almost thought Merlin must have magical powers. The way Arthur acted around him, the way he felt, it was unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

Merlin reached across the table and squeezed Arthur’s hand. “Thank you for telling me. I feel like I’m really starting to understand you.”

“Good. I wasn’t sure if I should talk about it here. This isn’t usually a first date conversation, but given we’ve already had sex, I think our relationship has gone way past traditional rules.”

Merlin nodded. “I couldn’t agree more.” He picked up his wine glass and they clinked glasses. “To non-traditional relationships.”

“To non-traditional relationships,” Arthur repeated.

The rest of dinner was spent on more light-hearted topics like favorite movies, favorite television programs, the best concert they’d ever been to, and a variety of other topics. They continued their non-traditional streak and had sex after the “first” date.

They spent another blissful two weeks together. Little by little, Merlin was getting Arthur to step out of his comfort zone. When Merlin wanted to take Arthur canoeing, Arthur balked at first since he thought it was unsafe. After a few days, Arthur relented. A week later and Arthur was the one suggesting they go out on the water. 

Merlin had even convinced Arthur to do something he thought was even scarier - karaoke! Arthur thought he would laugh himself sick when Merlin belted out “Tubthumping.” He felt even more nauseous when Merlin dragged him onstage and they did an incredibly poor version of “You’re the One that I Want.”

Also, Merlin took Arthur on a tour of the city, including his old secondary school and the house where he grew up. They went on a pub crawl with Merlin’s friends Percival and Elyan. 

Every minute Arthur spent with Merlin he felt was better than the last. It was a blissful feeling - but also terrifying considering he would be leaving in a few days. One event Merlin was really looking forward to was a Christmas party at his friends Gwen and Leon’s. Arthur was nervous since Gwen was Merlin’s oldest friend but she couldn’t have been more welcoming. 

The best part was watching Merlin with Gwen and Leon’s daughters, Sophie and Olivia. Both of them had curly golden hair, caramel-colored skin, and cute button noses. They were the most adorable thing Arthur had seen. 

Arthur had to amend that statement when he saw Merlin doing “Mr. Napkin Head” for the girls. He’d simply put a napkin over his face and talk in a gruff voice, but the girls - and Arthur - ate it up.

When they were getting ready to leave, Merlin went to say goodbye to Gwen. Arthur got a phone call from his sister and went outside to get better reception. The call dropped by the time he stepped outside. He was about to call her back when he heard Merlin and Gwen.

“You haven’t seen Lance in a long time, have you?” Gwen asked.

Arthur didn’t hear Merlin respond and assumed he nodded. He moved a little closer to hear their voices better. He felt a little bad for eavesdropping but was too intrigued by the mention of this Lance person.

“When you tell him about Arthur, you know he’ll understand.”

Merlin grunted.

Gwen kissed him on the cheek. “Tell him hello for me. I really miss him.”

“I know,” Merlin finally said.

Walking backward into the house, Arthur closed his eyes. He tried to keep his mind from spinning to the worst possible conclusion, but he couldn’t help it. He knew Merlin. He was not the type to cheat. But then again, Arthur had only known him for two weeks. Could he possibly know him as well as he thought?

Merlin’s arrival interrupted his thoughts. He went to put his hand on Arthur’s back and Arthur involuntarily flinched. Merlin shot him a quizzical look. Arthur didn’t respond. He tried to be polite when saying goodbye to Gwen and Lance, and especially the girls, but he was barely holding it together. 

He stalked towards the car. The ride was very quiet. Merlin kept throwing Arthur surreptitious glances. When they arrived at Hunith’s, Merlin started to get out.

“I think it’s best if I were alone tonight,” Arthur suggested.

Merlin sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. “Alright, what is happening right now. It seemed like you were having a good time tonight, but suddenly you’ve been acting distant. Arthur, please, tell me what’s wrong?”

He sounded so sincere and it made Arthur angrier. Of course, he fell for it. Merlin was very good. The rational part of his brain tried to tell him he didn’t have all the facts, but that rational side was fighting a losing battle. When he looked at Merlin, he realized that he didn’t want to leave things like this. He only had a few days left and he wasn’t going to let this cloud hang over his head. “Who’s Lance?”

Merlin went pale. 

That reaction did not put Arthur at ease. “Oh, God you are cheating on me, aren’t you?” Arthur ran his hands through his hair. “I suppose if you were dating him first, you’re cheating on him, not me.”

“Arthur?”

“How could you do this?”

“Arthur, stop.” Merlin touched Arthur’s arms. Arthur ripped it away.

“Don’t! You don’t get to tell me to stop!” Arthur pointed his finger in his face.

Merlin looked completely miserable. His usual smile was turned into a grimace. There was no light in his eyes. Suddenly, he turned and started the car. 

Arthur sat up. “What are you doing?”

“I need you to see Lance. It’s not far from here.”

Arthur gaped at him. “Do you really think I want to meet him?”

“Yes,” Merlin said simply.

Five minutes later, Merlin stopped the car. Arthur looked out the window. They were parked outside of a cemetery. 

“Come on.” Merlin opened the door.

Even though he was confused, Arthur followed. They stopped by a headstone near the front. 

Merlin kneeled in front of it. “This is Lance. My husband.”

Arthur put his head in his hands. His mind was reeling. He looked up. “Your what?”

“My husband...my late husband. He died three years ago - cancer,” Merlin explained as he ran his hand over the top of the gravestone.

Tentatively, Arthur took a step forward and then kneeled by Merlin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not something that’s easy to bring up in conversation. But I was going to tell you, I swear. After everything you trusted me with, I owed you that. I just could never find the right time or words.”

Arthur could see Merlin’s eyes were red and tears were beginning to fall. “I’m going to give you a minute.” Merlin nodded without looking at him.

Waiting in the car, Arthur felt like a jerk for jumping to the wrong conclusion, though he wished Merlin had told him. Having said what he needed to say, Merlin came back to the car and they headed back to Hunith’s.

“Merlin sighed. “I met Lance in secondary school. Lance, Gwen, and I were all friends. We were inseparable. For the longest time, I thought Lance was in love with Gwen until he kissed me one night in his car after a party. After he kissed me, I just knew I was going to be with him for the rest of my life.”

Feeling a horrible stab of jealousy, Arthur felt small and stupid for being jealous of a dead man.

“We got married just before we went to university. We were married for eight years before Lance got sick. He died two years later.” Merlin took in a shuddering breath.

He wasn’t sure it was appropriate or not, but Arthur eventually put his hand on Merlin’s knee. They parked in front of the cottage. Slowly, they stepped out and walked to the front door. Arthur rubbed the back of his neck. “I know this is going to sound insane, but you just never seemed like a widower.”

Merlin let out a small chuckle. “Why? Because I don’t always wear black, live in a hole, and reject the idea of love?”

Arthur furrowed his brow. “Well, yes. That and you’re so young.”

They walked inside the house. Heading to the kitchen, Arthur reached for the fridge to get some water, but then went to the cabinet and got some brandy instead. When Arthur handed Merlin the glass, he smiled. “This was Lance’s favorite, too.” He sighed and walked to the den. Arthur followed him. Merlin glanced at Arthur as they sat down. “If it had been up to me, I probably would have crawled into a hole. I tried to after he died, for a long time. But I knew how disappointed Lance would be in me, so day by day I tried to become a functioning human again. And it worked. The only thing I couldn’t do was be with someone else.”

“Do you think that’s what Lance would have wanted?”

Merlin had a serene smile on his face. “I know he would have. Before he died, he told me that’s what he wanted most for me. He even tried to help me find someone to move on with.” Merlin shook his head. “I think he saw too many movies of those movies you like to make.”

For the first time, since earlier in the evening, Arthur grinned sincerely.d. “I don’t make them, I work on them.”

“Po-ta-to, po-tah-to,” Merlin smirked.

Arthur pushed Merlin’s shoulder.

Merlin looked down at his hands. “I couldn’t imagine ever feeling like I did with Lance with someone else.” He blew out a breath. “But I could never deny Lance anything when he was alive and I still couldn’t. I also I became tired of being so lonely. So this year I started to date… _a lot_. It was fun at first. The sex was nice. Having that kind of physical intimacy again, I didn’t realize how much I had been craving it.” Merlin swallowed. “But everything else...everything else was missing. I’d all but given up again.”

“What changed?” Arthur leaned forward.

Merlin looked at him with a “you beautiful idiot” expression. “It was you.” His grin widened. “From the moment we met - well I suppose not the first moment since you tackled me and I feared for my life, but after that.”

Arthur laughed. 

Reaching out his hand, Merlin gripped Arthur’s and gazed into his eyes. “When I looked into your eyes, I just felt something I haven’t felt in a really long time. I just wanted to be with you so badly...I still do.’

“Merlin…” Arthur sat back and leaned toward Merlin. Their mouths met in an unhurried kiss. Merlin’s lips were so soft as they caressed Arthur’s. It felt like he was holding back, afraid that Arthur would bolt at any minute. Carding his fingers in Merlin’s hair, Arthur pressed his lips firmly to Merlin’s. Arthur’s tongue flicked out against Merlin’s lower lip and Merlin whimpered.

The kiss became more frantic after at that. Arthur started to press Merlin against the sofa, but Merlin slid out from beneath him. He held out his hand and without hesitation, Arthur grasped it. Merlin led him up the stairs. Instead of going in Hunith’s room, they went in the room across the hall. “This was my old room.” 

They walked inside and Arthur closed the door behind him. Merlin immediately pressed him up against it. Instead of kissing him, Merlin’s eyes swept over Arthur’s entire body. His hands traveled the same path. He snaked his hands under Arthur’s shirt and slowly rucked it up before he took it off.

Kneeling down as he went, Merlin placed wet, open-mouthed kisses to Arthur’s chest. When he flicked his tongue against a nipple, Arthur thought he stopped breathing. When Merlin sucked a nipple into his mouth, Arthur’s knees buckled. 

Merlin knelt all the way down on the floor and started unbuttoning Arthur’s trousers. He pulled them down slowly. For a long moment, he stared at the outline of Arthur’s hard cock straining against his pants. Looking up at Arthur, Merlin leaned forward and mouthed kisses all over until the front of his gray pants were completely wet. By the time Merlin peeled them off, Arthur was breathless and knew he was already so close to orgasm.

When Merlin took him into his mouth, Arthur keened so loudly he was sure that no matter how far away the next house was, they must have heard him. Merlin wasted no time in taking Arthur’s cock as far as his throat would allow. He pulled off with a wet pop. He cradled Arthur’s balls and licked a stripe up and down his shaft. 

Arthur fisted Merlin’s hair and couldn’t stop a string of curses from spilling out. When Merlin took him back into his warm mouth, Arthur knew this would be over soon unless he stopped it. He tapped on Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin, please! I’m going to come and I don’t want to yet.”

Merlin’s eyes flicked up to look at Arthur and with one final suck on Arthur’s tip, he backed away. As soon as he did, Arthur hauled him up by his shoulders. He kissed Merlin and shoved his tongue into his mouth. He licked against his teeth, the roof of his mouth, his tongue - anywhere he could reach. His hands gripped Merlin’s arse and lifted him up off the ground. Merlin wrapped his legs around his waist.

Arthur walked them back towards the full sized bed and laid the fully clothed Merlin down. He started to undress Merlin. He started with his trainers. After he got those and then his socks off, he sucked one of Merlin’s toes into his mouth. Merlin whined and writhed against the bed. He repeated the same thing with Merlin’s other foot. 

He unbuttoned Merlin’s trousers and slowly slid them off one leg at a time. When he took Merlin’s pants off, he placed one kiss on his thick cock, before he looked up at Merlin. “Sit up.”

Merlin dutifully followed his instruction. Arthur got up on the bed and hovered above Merlin, his crotch just above Merlin’s. 

“Lift up your arms.” Merlin did. Arthur leaned down and gripped the edges of Merlin’s pullover. He stared into Merlin’s eyes as he took off his shirt. After that was done, he put one hand against Merlin’s chest and pushed him down. He laid down on him. Their cocks were touching and Arthur started to writhe against a panting Merlin.

Arthur sucked on two fingers and then pressed them against Merlin’s entrance. He pressed one finger inside and as Merlin started to moan louder, he put in another. 

After Arthur removed his fingers, Merlin nodded towards the front of the bed. “I have a condom and lube in my wallet.” Arthur grinned. “I just wanted to be prepared.”

Hopping off the bed, Arthur reached Merlin’s trousers and pulled out his wallet. He took out the packet of lube and the condom. He pursed his lips as he looked at the condom. He padded towards the bed and laid down next to Merlin. He put the lube down and twiddled the condom between his fingers. “In all of your other one night stands, were you safe?”

Merlin nodded. “Very.”

“I don’t think we need this then.” Arthur reached behind him and put the condom on the bedside table. When he looked back down at Merlin, he had a huge smile on his face. 

“That’s alright with me.”

Arthur kissed Merlin and hovered above him. He lined up his cock and didn’t wait another second before he pushed inside. Inch by inch, the deeper he went and the tighter he was enveloped inside Merlin, the more amazing the sensation. When he was buried as far as he could go, Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin’s. 

Merlin was looking at him with wide eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to decide against it and clamped his mouth shut.

Arthur moved slowly at first, trying to make it last as long as possible. As he started to go a little faster, one particular thrust must have hit Merlin just right because he threw his head back and cried out. “Fuck!” He stared up at Arthur with wild eyes. “Harder, please, harder!”

Gritting his teeth, Arthur sat up and pulled Merlin with him until they were in a sitting position. Merlin took the invitation and ground down harder and harder. Arthur slid his hands down Merlin’s back. “Oh, God! Merlin! Don’t stop!”

They met each other thrust for thrust. Merlin leaned down and kissed Arthur. He bit down on Arthur’s bottom lip. His hips stuttered. “I’m going to come, Arthur! I’m coming, I’m…” He let out a guttural groan and came over Arthur’s chest.

Arthur pressed his face into Merlin’s neck and thrust up into Merlin one more time. He moaned into Merlin’s neck. They fell onto their sides and held each other. After a few minutes, Arthur pulled out of Merlin.

Merlin looked up at Arthur. “That was amazing!”

Arthur smiled and nodded. “You’re the best.”

Merlin giggled and Arthur thought he could actually feel his heart swell. ‘We’re good together.” 

That was something Arthur agreed more and more with. When he thought about leaving Merlin, he literally felt sick.

Sitting up, Merlin gazed at Arthur with hopeful eyes. “I know that it might seem insane, but I think we can make this work long-distance.”

Arthur blew out a breath. “I just don’t think that’s realistic. Statistics say-”

“I don’t care about bloody statistics, Arthur.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “I care about you. Don’t you want to try?”

He wanted to say yes, especially with the pleading look on Merlin’s face. Even if they beat the odds, Arthur was scared. He was still trying to process the news about Merlin’s husband and how he felt about that. The way Merlin talked about Lance, Arthur wasn’t sure how he could measure up to someone like that. How could their relationship ever compare?

Arthur didn’t know what to say. He caressed the back of Merlin’s head and pulled him forward. He kissed Merlin’s forehead. “We’ll figure it out, all right? I promise.”

Merlin still looked like he wanted to talk about it, but he relented. He put his head against Arthur’s chest and Arthur wrapped his arms around him. It took a long time for sleep to come to him.

They spent their last day together in bed all day. When they weren’t having sex in every available space - except Hunith’s room because Merlin thought that would be icky (Arthur didn’t know how to break it to him that having sex on her kitchen table wasn’t any better) - they watched Christmas movies and TV shows. 

What they didn’t do was talk about what would happen the next day. But when Merlin fell asleep at night, Arthur quietly went into Hunith’s room and started to pack.

The next morning, Merlin clung to Arthur’s side as much as possible as if never leaving his side would allow him to soak up as much of Arthur as he could to hold onto until they saw each other again. 

When it was time to leave, Merlin quietly started to sob. Arthur pulled him into his arms. He held on for so long and so tight, his arms started to hurt. He pulled back and wiped at Merlin’s tears. “I’ll get home and I’ll call you again and we can talk about everything. This isn’t goodbye.”

Merlin shook his head and looked down. He took a deep breath. “Arthur, I wanted to tell you something last night but I was too scared. But if I don’t say it now…” He gazed at him. 

Arthur felt like he knew what he was going to say and he couldn’t bear to hear it. He held Merlin’s face in his hands and kissed his forehead. Then he picked up his bags and started to walk out before Merlin could say anything. 

Standing in the doorway, he felt something odd. His face felt wet. He dropped his bags and touched directly under his eye. When he inspected his finger, he saw that it was wet.

He whirled around to face Merlin. 

Merlin looked at him in confusion. 

Arthur walked towards him and when Merlin saw his eyes, he gasped. “Merlin...I’m scared. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before but this is so complicated. We live so far apart and we still don’t know so much about each other and what I do know…” He let out a shuddering breath. “Merlin, I don’t know how I can possibly compare to your husband. You’ve had one great love in your life, what if you can’t love me the same?”

Merlin pressed his eyes shut. When he opened them again, Arthur was stunned by the depth of warmth in them as he stared at Arthur. Taking Arthur’s hands, Merlin gave him a watery smile. “Lance wrote me a letter that I was to read after he died. Even after what happened to him, Lance believed in God. He said that God wouldn’t take him away just for me to spend the rest of my life alone. He said that my heart was so big that I could have two great loves. I didn’t believe him...until now.”

Arthur felt another tear fall.

“What Lance and I had was wonderful and beautiful and it was ours. You’re right, Arthur, you’ll never be able to compare to that.” He held Arthur’s face and grazed his thumbs against Arthur’s cheeks. “But you don’t need to. You’re both so different. Our relationships are different. But the one thing that’s the same, the most important thing, is that I love you both so much.”

Arthur crushed Merlin to him. Then he kissed him over and over again. 

Merlin started to laugh. 

Arthur cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. 

Merlin waved his hands. “I was just wondering what music you would use in a scene like this.”

“Oh, the soppiest kind possible.” Arthur smiled. “Probably involving violins.”

Chuckling, Merlin put his arms around Arthur’s neck.

Thinking about his job, Arthur realized something. “Merlin, I’m really wealthy.”

Merlin scrunched up his face. “Interesting time to bring that up.”

Arthur pinched his side. “I’m trying to say that I have a lot of money and I built a studio in my house so I could work from there. I could do that here.”

With wide eyes, Merlin stepped back. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t want a long-distance relationship. I want to stay here...with you.”

It looked like Merlin wanted to jump up and down, so he did. His hug was so fierce Arthur almost fell to the ground. 

This was probably the most impulsive decision Arthur had made, but as he looked down at Merlin and thought about the last impulsive decision he made, he knew it was the best thing to do.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Wandering into an Unknown Land (the Permanent Vacation remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997166) by [Cookie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookie/pseuds/Cookie)




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